Look everyone, it’s Orlando Bloom! You in 2003 just got so excited!

If you’re into guys who look like a gayer, more Morman version of Lance Bass, then this is your jpeg-jam for sure.

I ain’t judgin’. I cater to all types. Even the ones who love gay Mormans. ESPECIALLY the ones who love gay Mormans.

Kampire B. e-mailed me to say my writing was funny. Correct. That is so correct. There was probably more to the e-mail, like maybe a link to a photo of a hot guy holding a cute puppy who is wearing BABY CLOTHES, but probably not. All I saw was her compliment. All I ever see are the compliments. This isn’t very hard because I am a very likable person with many, many amazing characteristics for people to compliment, like “not racist”, “enjoys Christopher Meloni” and “I’ll fucking punch your face if you try to eat a hamburger with ketchup on it in my car.”

Ketchup wafting off a hot hamburger is the worst smell that could happen.

Anyway, if you want to drop off a compliment (or even better, a picture of a hot guy holding a cute puppy) feel drop an e-mail to hotguysholdingcutepuppies@gmail.com

(via planettampon)

David Duchovny is one of those men you saw all the time as a kid, but never really realized he was attractive until you was a full grown woman-type. It’s like, before that point you assumed the most attractive a person could get was AJ from the Backstreet Boys because he had facial hair, which was like the quintessential sign you were a badass when you lived in 1998 and your occupational status was “in a boy band”. And the only way to rebel against your father is to be attracted to the badass type.

But then you grew up.

But for real, I would probably still sleep with AJ from BSB, because like… I don’t know. I just know fifth grade me would be really proud of myself.

It’s so shameful that Mid-1980’s Johnny Depp is holding this Cavalier King Charles Spaniel (eternal puppies, amirite?) and not 2009 Johnny Depp.

Johnny Depp aging is out of control. No one should be able to age that well. He has consistently increased in attractiveness with each passing year, and he’s 46. This “fine wine” phenomenon is suppose to stop at 34.

Plus, I mean, have you guys even seen Chocolat? Did you see it while you were PMSing and overly emotional? No? Then no, you’ve never really seen Chocolat.

I think what’s happening in this picture is that this dog is being adorable, Zachery Quinto is really confused as to why he still hasn’t publicly come out of the closet, and that lady is disgusted a gay male could have fashion sense that awful*.

Zachery Quinto is amazing to me because seperate, his facial features are ugly. But together, as a whole, on his face, they are unbelievably hot. Mind boggling.

*I’m not saying she’s RIGHT in being disgusted that he doesn’t fit a stereotype. I’m just the messenger.

Paul McCartney with his Olde English Sheepdog, Martha.

Additional Adorable: Watch the video for Heart of the Country to see Paul and Linda being all in love, with Martha romping along side them. It’s like the most perfect thing you could even imagine. You gots your husband, you gots your dog, and you gots your love. Even this calloused bitch sitting in front of this laptop can appreciate that.

Lance Bass looks exactly like Stuart Little. Sometimes I can’t even get over it. But, you know, some of you have bad taste and probably want to bang Stuart Little SO HERE YOU ARE.

Anyway, apparently an old friend of mine who I haven’t spoken to in a solid 6 months knows someone who knows LB. This someone showed Sir Lance A Lot my friend’s Facebook and The Bass Boss is apparently interested. So next time this old pal of mine is in the LA area, he may be going on a blind date with Stuart Little personified and honestly? Can I be honest here?

That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever heard.

I think Aimee S. sent this photo because she is working in conjunction with Chris Hanson from Dateline NBC. I’m a little waery about clicking “Create Post” because — (the area around me gets fuzzy and wavey, fades to white, fades back in with dreamlike blur around the corners)

Chris: Have a seat.

Me: IT’S JUST A PICTURE.

Chris:

Ok, you know what? I’m not even feeling the least bit funny and I’m usually not funny anyway, so we’re stopping the dream sequence. Basically I just wanna say that I don’t find this 14 year old hot, but like, in 6 years? Yeah, I could see him looking a little attractive. Right now I just wanna like… No, you know, I don’t even want to babysit him right now. 14 year old boys are dicks.

Remember how Jerry O’Connell played the fat kid from Stand By Me? And then he got in shape and made Kangaroo Jack? And then remember how River Phoenix was totally one of your first crushes because when you were 6 watching him in Stand By Me made you think he was nothing short of a full grown man? And then he died?

Recap:

Fat kid » Got in shape » Made a movie about a talking and boxing kangaroo.

Hot kid » DIED

The day I realized all of that was the day I denounced my Catholicism.

(Photo via Aimee S.)